Hey!
Yeah, you.
So I've taken on the real-life-social-experimental-adventure of moving to a city where I've gotten the chance to start at "Go" with some odds already stacked up against me.
First off, lets define a recent addition to our repertory of language.
That word would be: Xenophobic
That definition: an unreasonable fear or hatred of foreigners or strangers or of that which is foreign or strange.
OK, so I know that this sort of outlook did/does/shall exist, but never did I imagine that on any given day, there would be a 3/4 chance of observing this phenomenon up close and personal;
oh no, not to me, not in this town.
No longer would I take for granted that the arduous attempt of conjuring up a second language would elicit curiosity, warmth, engagement;
oh no, not to me, not in this town...not in this country...not in this language.
And so, without presupposition,
I feel no longer like voyageur;
no longer like wanderer;
I feel now, in fact, that which can be defined only as, with all resounding stereotype, that word which is:
immigrant
1. A person who leaves one country to settle permanently in another.
2. A plant or animal that establishes itself in an area where it previously did not exist.
Native Country,
Oxymoronic Province,
Motherfuckin Mini-Paris of America
I love it.
ToDay.. I am stuck at home.
I could go on a long, tumultuous rant about my detest for mechanics
but instead, i will spend my energy plotting to kill them...
"So.. uh...", (insert ball scratching motion here), "u're (something)-belt is gonna go, u gotta a leaking gasket, blah blah, ur breaks are going, blah blah, ur (something)-water tank is leaking, blah blah.....".
This all continues until the climax, grand total estimation, of $2000 is announced.
C-girl Translation:
All of the above is silently destroying my car from the inside out. If left unchecked, this rot will, suddenly and mercilessly, make my car stop working; potentially killing me in a fatal car accident if only I am fortuitous enough to be caught in high traffic at the time.
C-girl's fantasy response:
"Are you out of your fucking trees?"
The heads of all the mechanics in the room suddenly implode, with tidy little *POOFS*, proceeded by the slow delicate trickle of their brains, running down their greasy chests, to the floor.
"Excuse me, but my car came in here working perfectly fine. I just wanted you to make sure all was fine and dandy for a road trip... u know: fill the fluids, wiggle the hoses, ect ect, and you're now trying to tell me that i need two grand worth of work??????!!!!!!!!*****"
A "turkish-man-from-another-land" once pointed out to me that i have the bad habit of interpreting things in a very "black-and-white" fashion. He was right.
Case and Point:
I've recently been looking into religion... well i suppose you could say I've been curious my whole life, but it is now more of an active investigation to acquire some actual in-depth knowledge. I can be told things, read things, hear other people voice their opinions, and come to believe that i have a pretty strong opinion on a matter; but the only thing that ever truly makes something stick and resonate, for me anyways, is a first hand experience with the issue.
It's more about the impressions that the people give me about how they treat each other and the rest of the world; this, more than anything else.
My Dad's family, well the generation before him anyways, are pretty hard core Catholic. I guess several of my grandpapa's siblings became priests and nuns. Highlights of my memories of Catholicism + catholic school involve:
-going to church as a class every Friday
-having my toe crushed under a kneeling bench with 20 kids standing on it and screaming out in a huge church, during a huge mass
-having to pray "Johnny apple seed-amen" before eating lunch
-making myself puke chocolate milk when my grandparents tried to force me to church
-and a general sense of being scared, judged for everything, and having to feel guilty all the time...
Recently, my mom went in to a little about how the sisters, my dad's aunties, had devoted their whole lives to helping people in Haiiti. This sort of clicked-on the fact that once again my black-and-white view had reared its ugly head: I can't trash talk that kind of altruism on any level...besides maybe seeing it from the stereotyped view of "missionarism" being about forcing, or bribing people into a religion through the offer of help. I've come to believe that for the sisters, and possibly for many people doing that kind of work, it is not a matter of coercion.
Still, catholisism is definitely not a religion that i have personally found any inspiration in.
I've looked into Buddhism for awhile, and as one of my chinese Buddhist-Christian co-workers once pointed out to me: Buddhism is more of a way of life than a religion. I am reading every Dali lama book i can get my hands on--> way too cool about how a lot of ancient Buddhist theories are comparable to modern day physic views on the world.
I had a brief encounter with the Mormon religion.
My girlfriend Red, and i would call her my most feminist girlfriend, began dating a Mormon man. (Interjection: it is bizar and was especially to see in her, but it's as if when we "fall" a segment of DNA starts to mass produce proteins that mess with our heads and turn us into goo-balls over men.)
To my shock, she began actively looking into this religion. She even bought one of their bibles which, at 60 bucks a book, is a serious purchase for a bible. A circle of Mormon women at the university seemed to pop up and embrace her, like all the pieces were falling in place. I was wary but supportive and kind of curious; I even eventually found myself being dragged to one of the weekly Mormon mixers. I brought my roommate at the time, Jy-bee, because there was no way i was going alone with Red to this gig.
So we get there, and of course me and Jy-bee had decided to have some green prior. (BIG MISTAKE). We're standing on the sidewalk, at the front entrance of the church, and Jy-bee's like;
"No, i cant do this. I cant go in."
I have to admit i was pretty intimidated to go in and be surrounded by a bunch of Mormons too, so to break the ice i yelled out;
" NO! No! Don't convert us!"
Luckily there was only one couple going in at the time and they gave us a strange look, but it was enough to shock Jy-bee into letting me and Red drag her in.
Basically it was like a high school dance for Mormon university students; supervised, awkward non-dancing clusters. Good times for all.
Things didn't work out between Red and the dude. When the group of girls realized that Red wasn't going to convert, even her close friend of the group, dropped her like a hot potato. The Mormon dude had to actually put off his 2 year mission to become "cleansed" because he had ended up confessing to his parents and priest about his and Reds make-out sessions.
Needless to say, that relgion was a big NOPE for me too. I'm not about to judge strange traditions.. whatever, cultures have those too, but to not associate with someone anymore because they chose not to follow your religion: way too hostile for me. Very strange religion...especially the whole bit about reaching different levels and being god of your own planet... i dunno.
So now I've started looking into "Christianity".
I have to say that honestly, that is comparable to saying I've begun to look into the Spanish-speaking-culture, and expecting that this will adequately incorporate the diversity of history, countries, dialects, customs, and mentalities of the people whom could be categorized under this label.
I've definitely been school'd so far, and had my w&b monster shot down on several points. It's a very very personal thing, and i know it's way more than just me looking at what other people are doing. When it comes down to it, I guess the biggest factor for me will be not to want to associate with an organized religious group that choses to promote intolerance and hate through judging the lifestyles of others; whether that be alternate religious choices or sexual preferences.. whatever.
Religious opinions DO have power and DO accumulate in the world. As a direct consequence these judgments cause the lives of many people to be miserable. That's not my scene, i already struggle enough on a daily basis with trying not to be a horrible person and not to hurt the people that are directly involved in my life, let alone on a world-wide-basis.
So i don't know where I'm going, but i have been inspired. I have seen that it's not that simple; a lot of my pre-conceived notions have been blown out of the water. It's been foreign--a lot like exploring another culture; there are words and concepts I'd never even heard of, open minded people living in authentic ways that i didnt even think existed there, and people just trying to make a difference in the world. I've had to redefine the concept of what "religion" means to me because it doesn't even fit the context so easily anymore. Anyways, it's wild.. and kind of exciting.
I'm still really stupid and learning a lot; it's good.
I'm not satisfied with the idea of a cycle of spending my life working to buy things, reproducing, and then maybe partying in my spare time.... that's not enough; it's not even close to being enough.
Originally I started with trying to work on my mind and my body: it makes me feel alive.
I came to realise that if i dont "exercise" my spirituality, that if i leave out doing this, in an active way too, then there's something missing in my life. So that's where I'm at.
